Increase your EQ: Part II

Fundamental Questions

As you’re thinking about your three ‘Self’s, you can go on to ask yourself a series of fundamental questions that will help you get deeper to the root. Be as genuine as you possibly can while asking yourself these questions, and understand that it’s better to say ‘I have absolutely no clue’ or ‘I’ve narrowed it down to these five things’ than to write something down just for the sake of having it there. It’s taken me over two years of focused thinking to feel comfortable with creating this internal monologue- Be kind to yourself in your discussion, but understand that avoiding realizations will render this exercise useless; Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and deal with the reality of who you are.

1. Who am I right now?
2. What do I like about myself?
3. What do I dislike myself?
4. Who do I want to be? What qualities do I want to embody?
5. What do I want out of my life?
6. What’s driving me? Why do I push?
7. What changes do I need to make within myself in order to become who I want to be?
8. What things are holding me back from making these changes?
9. What things trigger me to react in anger, disappointment, or sadness? Why?
10. What has happened in my past that has upset me, and how have I let it alter my outlook?

Creating an Internal Monologue

These questions are merely a starting point- As you explore your psyche, you will undoubtedly come across many more. Explore them. Write down your answers. Take 5 minutes to get off your phone, close your eyes, and think about it. While this process may seem unnatural at first, over time you will become accustomed to asking yourself questions. Perhaps the most important question in all of this, is ‘why’. I learned to observe myself constantly to see how I react to certain situations and triggers to figure out what’s driving me.

A Note on My Journey

Looking back, I feel as if I had for so long, been walking around with my eyes closed. I used to be overly optimistic of people, thinking that most would behave in the way I would. I avoided realizations brought on by my intuition, which at times was clearly telling me to run in the opposite direction instead of engaging certain people and situations. Instead I would give people the benefit of the doubt because I let my own desires cloud my lens. I was insecure and attention-seeking, using aesthetic appeal, often to my own detriment. I was fearful of being alone or outcast (as I have felt for the majority of my life), and desperately attempting to hold onto anyone who came into my life and offered me a sense of belonging. 

I avoided the realization that most people or situations were not in line with what I was looking for. Since then, I have come to enjoy my own company, value time, understand and overcome most of my insecurities, and have cleared my life of anything that doesn’t belong. If something doesn’t align, I address it if needed, and move on. My increased self-awareness and sense of clarity have enabled me to reach into my own intuition, understand people and environments faster than most people, and to make decisions quickly with conviction and without fear.